Fake OUT

The Washington Post printed a Newsday article entitled, "Artificial Life for Tired Gardens
Fake Flowers Provide a Flourish of Color With More Variety, Less Upkeep" this past Saturday. It has taken me two days to recover from this terrorist act. I will NOT be showing a photo of this travesty against nature here. But you can view it at this article link. This piece was buried in the back of the Real Estate section on a holiday weekend. It should never have seen the light of day.

The article's author writes, "Although using artificial flowers indoors has long been acceptable -- socially speaking -- few have dared to put their arrangements in the front yard." You are DEAD WRONG. Artificial plants and flowers are NOT socially acceptable or passable. For instance on HGTV's recent show, the "25 Biggest Decorating Mistakes". Number one on their list was fake flowers. The only people you see pushing them as "totally fine" are the manufacturers and sellers of them. Their argument being "you can't tell the difference." That is complete BS! You can tell from 20 feet away on most of them and those that take any inspection or scrutiny you immediately recoil at the lack of sent, live texture, and warmth.

The subject of this piece, Honey Starr, says, "No one ever, ever thinks they're fake." Newsflash, lady-whose-name-makes-you-assume-she-is-a-stripper! They all think ands know they are fake, They are just too polite to say anything to your face, but believe they are saying it behind your back.

What really spun my wheels in this piece was the effort she puts into this fake display -- spending hundreds of dollars on these fake-os, changing it out seasonally, fluffing them up, etc. Buying real annuals and plotting them in would be ever so much less work. The only additional effort I see would be watering them regularly -- that is if they are in containers and if you did not get enough rainfall.

A side bar to the story on just how to incorporate fakes in your outdoor landscape begins: >"You want to do it in good taste," advises Shelley Greenberg of TerracottaHome...< I think that is an impossible task, Shelley. That is like saying go ahead and dress like a hoochie-mama, just as long as you "do it in good taste."

My big gripes on this (beside the taste factor) are:
1. You are adding plastic to the landfill and giving NOTHING back to the environment - think of the poor birds, bees, butterfllies, etc. who are deprived of a habitat. If you want low-mainteance, letting your yard go to weeds would be much more preferable as far as Mother Nature is concerned.
2. You are getting nothing from the gardening experience and depriving yourself of a spiritual connection to the Earth - with an instant gardener just for show - you are merely decorating your lawn like a cheap hotel lobby. Is that really the life you want to live? You miss the enriching opportunity to nurture something from start to finish -- even if you fail, you learned something. And when you succeed, you can be savor the reward as your own.
3. What's next fake veggie patches? Where you buy blemish-free produce at the supermarket, come home and arrange it "artfully" on some fake ivy vines? Then wait for your neighbors to get home so you can go out and "pick" the tomatoes and brag about your great crop. Where does the fakeness end?